“We’re all just fighting for the right to exist,” said Joseph as we sipped on coffee at Black Dog yesterday. My eyes sort of lit up at the reality of that statement and we proceeded to share how we were both learning what it meant to be content, fulfilled, and how to find a sense of self-worth.
“Everyone’s chasing a million dollars, or being the next big thing,” (paraphrased) we said next. And as my wife and I are discovering, that’s not necessarily what we want. Money would be nice – don’t get me wrong – to not have to worry about potential medical bills would be awesome, but what we’re searching for here is something bigger than what money can buy.
Money can buy you a lot of things. Expensive cars, big houses, a significant other that is potentially way out of your league, fine wine and 5-star dining/hospitality. But it can’t buy a sense of accomplishment or worth.
And who decides what makes you valuable anyways? Is it the individual that writes you a check bi-weekly for the work you’ve accomplished? Is it your parent’s standard of what your ideal is supposed to look like? Is it your own interpretation of what a perfect spouse is that you’ve unfairly projected onto your spouse and assumed they desired of you? (Guilty as charged.)
For me, I attempt to find worth in all kinds of things. The more friends I’ve connected with, the more fulfilled I’ll feel because then it feels like I’m making a difference or an impact on other’s lives. And according to my very kind friends, I am, and I’m grateful for that. But at the end of the day, that source of fulfillment is going to leave me as dry as a bottomless cup of coffee will. Eventually, you can’t stop peeing, the coffee tastes stale, and your body aches for water instead.
Perhaps that’s where we’re making things just a hair too complicated. At the end of the day, it’s that cold glass of water that leaves us feeling refreshed. It’s not the $10 bag of Roasterie coffee or the $40 bottle of bourbon; it’s not seeing the new movie or finishing that season of Parks & Rec; it’s a glass of water that our body needs and a walk around the block that clears our head.
The spiritual ties there are obvious, so I won’t waste my word-count trying to convince you of the benefits of Living Water and time to think clearly.
But aside from water and food, we all want to know and to be known. The times we feel closest to someone is when they open up to us and then we can open up to them. It takes two to tango and they both have to be willing to be vulnerable. But that’s how those excellent friendships last. I have to be willing to ‘undress’ myself in such a way that my imperfections can be clearly seen, noted, and dealt with – and yet, I’m still loved. And in return, I’ve gotta take that friend, brother, or my wife and see all of their vulnerability not as a chance to tear them down but as an opportunity to build them up. To speak life into their aching bones. To speak truthfully and honestly about the darkness evidently weighing heavily on their hearts and to lead them toward light and hope.
I think it’s true. “We’re all fighting for the right to exist.” But I wish it wasn’t. I wish we’d give ourselves a break from that pointless charade and war.
“I got the promotion! Now, do you love me?”
“I lost 20 lbs! Now, do you love me?”
“I starting writing more regularly! Now, do you love me?”
What if we confidently existed, comforted by the knowledge that we are loved? What if today I don’t strive and clean and seek perfection and I just sit here drinking my 3rd cup of Roasterie coffee (about to switch to water :P) and share these thoughts with you? What if afterwards I just lay on the coach and meditate on how it’s okay to just be me?
And so that’s exactly what I’m going to do this morning. I’m going to define my own worth by deciding anxiety has no place in my mind. I’m Taking Every Thought Captive (see last week’s post) and owning my own story. I’m not going to trouble myself with an unrealistic standard of perfection that I will certainly not meet today – especially while fighting a sore-throat, laryngitis, and congestion brought on by allergies and weather-changes. Today, I’m going to rest. Read books. Take a nap. And chill with Bryce.