Beginning, Middle, End.

My wife says I’m an introspective person. I think she’s right – I spend a lot of time looking into myself and wondering what’s there.

Introspection has its purposes. It’s good to know what you’re made of, where you’ve come from, and where you’d like to go. But at some point, you have to stop looking in the rear-view mirror and start living. The Justin of yesteryear is certainly not the Justin of today and even if he comes back and visits for a day or two every now and then, it’s not the end of the world. Living in a shame-pit of self-hate for poor decisions made just isn’t the right head-space to live your life out of.

My counselor and I have been working through some of this lately. At some point the motivation for life-change can no longer be the fear of doing something wrong or the shame of who you’ve been, but rather the desire to better oneself and become something even better. No one thinks Patrick Mahomes is crazy for wanting to win the Super Bowl this year – we all think that’s a great idea. Build on the success of last year to become better this year.

I think we all make things too complicated – or maybe it’s just me – but I’m betting I’m not the only one. We care too much about what others may think, or what church we go to (or associate ourselves with), or how many people liked our photo. We wonder if what we’re doing is really making a difference or if we are enough for our friends and families. Wasting away all of the energy we have worrying, rather than living. (Obviously, some of this can be related to mental-health as I’m working through in my own life. However, some of it is thought-patterns and neural pathways that have convinced us this is our truth.)

Most of my life I have lived with this idea that I needed to be something. The “goal” of becoming a published author or speaker or a ministry of my own one day. Or perhaps that I needed to be the very best salesman. Maybe I needed to own my own coffee-shop, built it into a successful empire of franchises and retire in the mountains somewhere.

But what if where I’m at is where I need to be? And what if the way we walk through the valley is more important than the mountain-top? I’m confident that one day I’ll “arrive” and discover what I’m made of, what God has called me to, and what I ought to build a legacy around. But the end of the story is only as good as the beginning and middle allow for it to be – there isn’t a climax without the build-up and thickening of the plot and some challenges along the way. Bill Gate’s success wouldn’t be as exciting without knowing Microsoft really started in someone’s garage before it exploded into Silicon Valley.

My favorite books to read are the ones written by storytellers. Bob Goff’s “Everybody Always: Becoming Love In A World Full Of Setbacks & Difficult People” is a follow-up to his incredibly popular “Love Does” and I find myself enthralled by the stories within. What makes Goff so unique is that he just loves people. They don’t have to love him back or do something right or text him back within 5 minutes of him texting them. When asked what church he goes to, his answer is “our church” – because when you’re becoming more like Jesus and loving people the way he did you don’t need all the labels, name-tags, and license-plate brackets and bumper-stickers. After all, people won’t remember that you wore matching t-shirts and participated in a Missions Trip for a week. But they will remember that you visited them in the hospital, wrote them in jail, paid for their coffee when they couldn’t afford it, and answered the phone when it was inconvenient at the time.

Love doesn’t sit on the bench or wait for the right play-call. Love jumps into action now without “praying about it” first.

I want to live more of my life in this way. I want to love people like I’m made of it. “Every time we go to church and point fingers at each other, we betray Jesus with another kiss. At “our” church, we go there to meet Him, not critique each other.”

“Talk behind each other’s backs constantly. Just talk about the right stuff. Talk about Jesus. Talk about grace. Talk about love and acceptance. People don’t grow where they are informed; they grow where they’re loved and accepted. Talk about who people are becoming and who you see them turning into.” (Bob Goff, Everybody Always)

My goal this week is to worry about the future less and be present more. Loving the person right in front of me is more important than worrying about how people will talk about me at my funeral in 80 years.

If all I’m ever living for is the future, then I’ll probably never get there.

But I bet if I live for today, tomorrow will probably still come. If it’s God’s will for me to get there, then I’m sure He’ll find a way. I don’t have to know the end of my story to keep writing the beginning and living, loving, and being in the middle…

beginning middle end

 

Wildcard

Wish I knew what I wanted
Flimsy aspirations – I’m haunted.
Ghastly inflection and white complexion;
Heart wound up like a vine – complex.

And hope for the future, but a vapor.
The straight-and-narrow, but that line’s tapered.

It’s funny – an 18 year old dreamed,
While the quarter-century feels creamed.
Life blown right out of the sails;
Punishing blows – thunderous hails.

Checked the check-lists
But never checked this –
Living wreckless?
I’ll take the check, please.

So there’s things I wish I knew,
Like who I’ll be when I meet you.

The journey’s long and trial’s hard;
I’ll always be your Wildcard.

The Mirror

Your presence is never-ending,

Impossible to ignore the message you’re sending.

I look into you for personal feedback

The results have me feeling like a speedbag.

Right cross; then the left jab.

I’m at a loss; feeling drab.

Tears well up and roll down

Nothing will remove this frown.

Tear-stained cheeks, fists clenched

Feels like my heart’s been wrenched

I turn away and leave you there,

Need to remove myself from your glare.

Your message has been heard crystal clear,

But I refuse to listen to a glassy mirror!

Lies straight from the mouth of Satan,

“Justin, you’re worthless and hated.”

But I’m in search of something uplifting

Through God’s Scriptures; I’m sifting.

There it is, the truth has been found.

Thankfully; a much more beautiful sound.

Read 1 Samuel 16:7,

And you’ll see the message from Heaven.

I’m worth more than my oversized frame,

No reason to hide myself in shame.

God looks deep into my heart,

I think I’ll treasure that as a start…

I’m not quite sure why I’m sharing this…but perhaps by the Grace of God, this can be used to encourage someone else. You’re certainly NOT the only one strugging with self-image issues or a lack of confidence. But everytime things start to hurt. We must remember that we can rest in the perfect love of the Cross. God only sees the heart 🙂

Blessings,

Justin Meyer