Fisher Of Men

I’m not sure what it will take,

To pay for that mistake.

The one I made decades ago,

That swung my heart to and fro.

Merry-go-round of emotions since,

The kind of pain that makes you wince.

It promised much and provided little,

Satan asked if he should play his fiddle.

Mocking the death of my feelings,

Taunting me with memories when,

I made active choices to sin.

“But do you remember when…”

“If your wife knew that, then…”

“Your love is fake, your story is a lie.”

Round and round, despair takes my breath.

This must be what it feels like – death.

All of this because I wanted to see,

That which wasn’t meant for me.

Images on a screen, women that weren’t mine.

Innocence taken before its time.

Side effects that can still be felt,

Worse than a bruise, worse than a welt.

Scar tissue that runs so deep,

It’ll hit me like a train and cause me to weep.

And there’s the enemy, back with his fiddle,

Ready to challenge me with another riddle.

“If you loved Jesus, then how could you?…”

“If you were Christian, then wouldn’t you?…”

“How will you pay for all of this?”

It’s true – I’m indebted.

Credit-line with God maxed out to the brim,

And it’s not just my heart that carries the pain,

Marriage causes Beauty to carry my shame.

The burdens too heavy to carry on my own,

Pick up the phone and call one another,

Thank the Lord Jesus for my brothers.

And if I could give you one piece of advice,

It’d be that the forbidden-fruit isn’t worth it.

It’s amazing how crafty and contorted,

Our versions of “truth” can become.

“It’s not that bad to look,”

“I’m just reading a book.”

“But it’s a good movie,”

“And it’s a great show.”

“We’re just talking.”

“It’s not really stalking.”

Oh I fear for the day the Judge returns,

Takes out the gavel as his heart burns,

With just anger and proclaims,

“Away from me, for you never knew me.”

Don’t stay there, my friend.

Walk into the light, and own up to when,

You made some choices that aligned you with sin.

Talk to someone, talk to me,

Ask them how you, too, can be free.

It’s not a joke, it’s not a comedy.

Interfile men because they’re wasting their seed,

Women’s hearts crushed, pleading with God that their men would be freed.

Family’s ripped apart because of sleazy affairs,

Men so emasculated that they have the courage of a young boy,

Because shame has tied a noose around their neck and stolen their joy.

That doesn’t have to be your story – it’s not mine anymore.

Christ, let us out of our heart’s prison,

Pay for our debts, for you’ve already risen.

Raise us up and fill our cup,

Renew our joy and our gifts,

Speak into my heart and give me your voice,

The courage to tell men they have a choice.

The strength to stand when others won’t,

And I suppose I’ll end on this note…

I can’t wait to see,

That which he’s meant for me.

The dreams and visions and ministry,

A fisher of men in a raging sea.

fishers of men

Better Together

Perfectly imperfect but I’m worth it.

Struggling a lot with self-respect,

Go to great lengths and to my pride – protect.

Come at me with your suggestions,

Accusations of past aggressions.

The broken parts of me – obsessed with.

Amazing how my mind is messed with.

 

You’d think their words would roll right off of me,

But somehow they lay heavy, on top of me.

Can’t breathe. Can’t dream. Can’t win.

Defeated, distraught; now count to ten.

Asleep like a sedative,

These wrestlings, repetitive.

 

Engaged, but enraged.

Not with the Bride but with the Groom.

In my heart I haven’t left enough room.

All about me and not about Him.

Recognizing the need for humility,

Mentors and accountability.

Seeking that stability,

Prayerful over my ability.

 

Hopeful that this frustration,

Continues to lead toward maturation.

 

King of Kings clashing with the Prince of Death,

Spiritual warfare that takes my breath.

Feel my heart pounding inside my chest,

No sleep for the weary and little rest.

 

And yet those green eyes meet my blues,

All she has to say is, “I choose you.”

“I love you and you’re worth it,

Nail it on the cross, you’re not worthless.

Handsome and strong,

You write your own song.

Passionate melodies and fierce beats,

Not another man for me on the streets.

You’re mine. I’m yours. And we’re His.”

 

I’m grateful for all of this,

Answering that call of His.

 

She melts my gruffness,

Increases my toughness.

 

Propels me and compels me,

To face my fears and never flee.

And chase the fear of failure back to Hell,

Cling close to God and each other and we’ll do well.

 

So yes – I’m scared and yes, I’m beat.

But with her by my side, we will defeat.

 

Overcome and prayerfully conquer,

Anything that’s kept us at arms-length from the altar.

Two separate hearts, but better together,

Our love, a true treasure.

 

Indebted to the debtor,

But not in debt.

Rich in love and beauty,

I’ve wept;

So many joyful tears,

Over this last year.

 

This girl is too good for me,

But she’s not.

She’s just what I need,

Amazingly crafted and attractive.

 

God’s gift from Himself to each other,

I love her.

better-together

Have You Seen The Leaves?

Have you seen the leaves?Fire flies born from trees.

Light up the earth and make me sneeze.

O the allergies.
Really – have you seen the leaves?

Reds, oranges, browns flee,

Rustling wind that frees

These leaves from the trees.
Majestic autumn,

Overlooked too often,

Beauty that doth soften.

Revives those in coffins.
Rest.

Feel it in your chest.
Smoky scents rise,

Fireplace surprise.

Cool, evening walks,

Long, cotton socks.
Something so small,

Yet I sure love Fall.

  

Into The Son

She stole my heart and walked away,Into the mist, into the spray,

Turbulent shores and ocean waves.

My body cold as the grave.
And I saw that light,

The one that wakes your soul at night.

Big, bright, white.

The hope that gives flight.

Lifts up the lost and gives them sight.
I saw her walking late at night,

Down the street, away from me.

With eyes that said playfully,

“Why don’t you come after me?”
Time stood still,

What a thrill.

Challenging my inner will.
Heels clicked down the street,

Heartbeat in my feet,

Warm cheeks, no longer cold.

Wild at heart, forever bold.
Staring down the lion of lies,

That I’m worth less than those eyes.
So I shout, “Here I come!”

Pick up my feet, and I run.

Chasing after her, toward the Son.

  

Weary Heart

The mess when hearts collide,

Pain and loss, come with the joyful side.

Flirting with insecurity,

Praying for assurance – see?

Want control and outcomes guaranteed,

But all you can do is water and plant the seeds.

Watching as this flower blooms,

Beauty out of dust – no gloom.

But weeds can come and clouds bring doom.

Yet I’ll seek a sunny forecast with you.

Weary hearts inside our chests,

Bleary eyes find rest.

It’s the beginning of the rest,

Praying we pass the test.

  

Jersey Girl

Things that I never knew,

But now I do.

 

Like hearts dance,

In this romance.

 

Pitter-patter,

With useless chatter.

 

Steady, girl.

Lovely twirl.

 

And my heart is spinning,

Cheek-bones grinning.

 

Eyes that pierce right through me,

Like they always knew thee.

 

Gentleness that permeates,

Kindness that demonstrates,

Your love isn’t close to fake.

Some might call this fate.

 

Yet to turn away,

Brightest light in my darkest days,

Smile lights up the stage,

Heart that’s stole this gaze.

 

Touch so light I just might miss it,

Lips so soft – I want to kiss them.

 

Rest now, against my shoulder,

Pretty girl from the Jersey border.

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Love Freely

I used to have this tendency – you see.
Write about joy to a degree,
Never mention darkness inside of me.
Image management – reputation over honesty, because honestly,
I cared a lot more about that than the honest me.
Careful now – you might not like what you see;
Hypocrite or broken? Which should I plea?
Doesn’t matter – I can’t always please.
How many times can you do-over – one, two, or three?
And you know, somewhere she’s waiting graciously,
While I’m looking in wishing-wells – ‘patiently’.
I’d like to pursue her – I’m sure she’s lovely,
But, unfortunately for her, my greatest obstacle is me.
So here’s to wishing-wells and all that be,
Prayers for restored hope in Thee,
And dreams that someday, we could love freely.

rain