Fisher Of Men

I’m not sure what it will take,

To pay for that mistake.

The one I made decades ago,

That swung my heart to and fro.

Merry-go-round of emotions since,

The kind of pain that makes you wince.

It promised much and provided little,

Satan asked if he should play his fiddle.

Mocking the death of my feelings,

Taunting me with memories when,

I made active choices to sin.

“But do you remember when…”

“If your wife knew that, then…”

“Your love is fake, your story is a lie.”

Round and round, despair takes my breath.

This must be what it feels like – death.

All of this because I wanted to see,

That which wasn’t meant for me.

Images on a screen, women that weren’t mine.

Innocence taken before its time.

Side effects that can still be felt,

Worse than a bruise, worse than a welt.

Scar tissue that runs so deep,

It’ll hit me like a train and cause me to weep.

And there’s the enemy, back with his fiddle,

Ready to challenge me with another riddle.

“If you loved Jesus, then how could you?…”

“If you were Christian, then wouldn’t you?…”

“How will you pay for all of this?”

It’s true – I’m indebted.

Credit-line with God maxed out to the brim,

And it’s not just my heart that carries the pain,

Marriage causes Beauty to carry my shame.

The burdens too heavy to carry on my own,

Pick up the phone and call one another,

Thank the Lord Jesus for my brothers.

And if I could give you one piece of advice,

It’d be that the forbidden-fruit isn’t worth it.

It’s amazing how crafty and contorted,

Our versions of “truth” can become.

“It’s not that bad to look,”

“I’m just reading a book.”

“But it’s a good movie,”

“And it’s a great show.”

“We’re just talking.”

“It’s not really stalking.”

Oh I fear for the day the Judge returns,

Takes out the gavel as his heart burns,

With just anger and proclaims,

“Away from me, for you never knew me.”

Don’t stay there, my friend.

Walk into the light, and own up to when,

You made some choices that aligned you with sin.

Talk to someone, talk to me,

Ask them how you, too, can be free.

It’s not a joke, it’s not a comedy.

Interfile men because they’re wasting their seed,

Women’s hearts crushed, pleading with God that their men would be freed.

Family’s ripped apart because of sleazy affairs,

Men so emasculated that they have the courage of a young boy,

Because shame has tied a noose around their neck and stolen their joy.

That doesn’t have to be your story – it’s not mine anymore.

Christ, let us out of our heart’s prison,

Pay for our debts, for you’ve already risen.

Raise us up and fill our cup,

Renew our joy and our gifts,

Speak into my heart and give me your voice,

The courage to tell men they have a choice.

The strength to stand when others won’t,

And I suppose I’ll end on this note…

I can’t wait to see,

That which he’s meant for me.

The dreams and visions and ministry,

A fisher of men in a raging sea.

fishers of men

Better Together

Perfectly imperfect but I’m worth it.

Struggling a lot with self-respect,

Go to great lengths and to my pride – protect.

Come at me with your suggestions,

Accusations of past aggressions.

The broken parts of me – obsessed with.

Amazing how my mind is messed with.

 

You’d think their words would roll right off of me,

But somehow they lay heavy, on top of me.

Can’t breathe. Can’t dream. Can’t win.

Defeated, distraught; now count to ten.

Asleep like a sedative,

These wrestlings, repetitive.

 

Engaged, but enraged.

Not with the Bride but with the Groom.

In my heart I haven’t left enough room.

All about me and not about Him.

Recognizing the need for humility,

Mentors and accountability.

Seeking that stability,

Prayerful over my ability.

 

Hopeful that this frustration,

Continues to lead toward maturation.

 

King of Kings clashing with the Prince of Death,

Spiritual warfare that takes my breath.

Feel my heart pounding inside my chest,

No sleep for the weary and little rest.

 

And yet those green eyes meet my blues,

All she has to say is, “I choose you.”

“I love you and you’re worth it,

Nail it on the cross, you’re not worthless.

Handsome and strong,

You write your own song.

Passionate melodies and fierce beats,

Not another man for me on the streets.

You’re mine. I’m yours. And we’re His.”

 

I’m grateful for all of this,

Answering that call of His.

 

She melts my gruffness,

Increases my toughness.

 

Propels me and compels me,

To face my fears and never flee.

And chase the fear of failure back to Hell,

Cling close to God and each other and we’ll do well.

 

So yes – I’m scared and yes, I’m beat.

But with her by my side, we will defeat.

 

Overcome and prayerfully conquer,

Anything that’s kept us at arms-length from the altar.

Two separate hearts, but better together,

Our love, a true treasure.

 

Indebted to the debtor,

But not in debt.

Rich in love and beauty,

I’ve wept;

So many joyful tears,

Over this last year.

 

This girl is too good for me,

But she’s not.

She’s just what I need,

Amazingly crafted and attractive.

 

God’s gift from Himself to each other,

I love her.

better-together

Fire And Ice

You were hot, then you were cold.
Weren’t sure you remembered bold.
Something had taken a hold,
Of your life and sold,
Your joy to the thief of old.

Clock out, then clock in.
Pay bills then spending,
More time worrying than enjoying.

Anxious escapades,
Trying to find the shades.

Places to hide behind,
Fancy frames and stylish.
Fuel your grind,
And smile’ish.

Nothing felt real,
Not even “real.”

Spiritual facades or authentic prayers?
When they laid their hands on you,
Was it tried and true?
Or was it a man-made cure for the blues?

So where is this power the church speaks of?
Where are these angels watching above?
And when it comes to push-and-shove,
Will you catch any blessings in your glove?

Life is harder than it is easy,
Those inspirational quotes pure cheesy.
Promises of things to come, just a tease.
Nothing seems to set your heart at ease.

So you wonder through the desert for 40 years,
Fill your eyes with many tears.
Occasionally stop to hear the cheers,
Of the opponent’s love of your many fears.

Shame has made its home here,
“Freedom” makes your heart sneer.
If you were free, things would be clear.
Wouldn’t fight the ice you see in the mirror.

Asking God to send fire from heaven,
To melt your calloused bruises,
Provide answers for your excuses,
To wipe away the memories,
Of things that happened and shouldn’t be.

If God is love, then couldn’t He;
Come down now and rescue me?

And this is the cry of many hearts,
Debating worthless politics,
While evading what makes the soul tick.

All this hunger and all these dreams,
All this thirst for bountiful streams,
All this prayer for all these things,
All this comfort for all these stings.

So Lord, I placed myself in open;
Admit that I’m one of the you’s that’s coping;
Struggling as an adult to fully believe,
That you really want what’s best for me.

So Father God come and make yourself seen,
Clear our eyes and answer our screams.
Fulfill your promises and walk in my dreams,
Sew my heart back together at its torn seams.

Ice cold, but ready to be hot.
Flame once and ice I’m not.
So heavenly fire come and melt the ice,
I know that Jesus’ already paid the price.

It won’t be easy and it won’t be nice,
But I’m ready to win life’s game of Fire And Ice.

fire and ice

Have You Seen The Leaves?

Have you seen the leaves?Fire flies born from trees.

Light up the earth and make me sneeze.

O the allergies.
Really – have you seen the leaves?

Reds, oranges, browns flee,

Rustling wind that frees

These leaves from the trees.
Majestic autumn,

Overlooked too often,

Beauty that doth soften.

Revives those in coffins.
Rest.

Feel it in your chest.
Smoky scents rise,

Fireplace surprise.

Cool, evening walks,

Long, cotton socks.
Something so small,

Yet I sure love Fall.

  

Beauty & The Beast

Behind those crystal eyes
Lies the real prize.
Porcelain skin shields a fierce heart.
A smile that could tear night apart.

You’re Beauty, and I’m the Beast;
Dreaming of that fellowship feast.

Is there such love to call out the prince?
The one that’s trapped within.

A rough and callous heart
Wishes for love to drink.
Thirsty for the glow you hold.
Gentle, yet bold – what a mold.

Time will heal,
Renew my zeal.

Bolstered confidence,
Assured competence.

Waiting – until I’m sure it’s obvious,
Love is right for us.

Jailbreak

Never thought I’d escape,

Walls so thick; shackles and gates.

Fears had its hand on me,

Kept me from traveling.

But now I’m unraveling.
Freedom’s mirages,

Despair so bottomless.

Then I got caught up in this,

Forgot I’m an optimist.
Broken hearts shatter,

Millions of pieces; all of which matter.

Yet they’re separated,

Corroded, deteriorated.

Clean and sweep,

Fight and wheep.

You’ll never collect all the pieces,

That’s not where the peace is.
So insanity beckoned and I followed,

Called me in deeper until it swallowed.

All of the light within,

Where does this life begin?
I see it now – breaking through,

Streams of light, bold and true.

Like a sunburst through the clouds,

A peace comes down and surrounds.
I look down and there’s the key,

Pick it up and now I’m free,

Captive and prisoner to only me.
No more can this heart take,

Fists clenched and longing’s ache,

I’m running now – Jailbreak!
Hold me down and I’ll break free,

Can’t contain the fire in me.

Love Freely

I used to have this tendency – you see.
Write about joy to a degree,
Never mention darkness inside of me.
Image management – reputation over honesty, because honestly,
I cared a lot more about that than the honest me.
Careful now – you might not like what you see;
Hypocrite or broken? Which should I plea?
Doesn’t matter – I can’t always please.
How many times can you do-over – one, two, or three?
And you know, somewhere she’s waiting graciously,
While I’m looking in wishing-wells – ‘patiently’.
I’d like to pursue her – I’m sure she’s lovely,
But, unfortunately for her, my greatest obstacle is me.
So here’s to wishing-wells and all that be,
Prayers for restored hope in Thee,
And dreams that someday, we could love freely.

rain