Living The Dream

I remember it as if it were yesterday,
Awkwardly attempting to connect,
Humor covering up the desire for respect.
Fear was met by boldness – objection.
Objecting to the norm of selfish intent,
Beauty flipped the script,
Gentleness overcame insinuations.

The Spirit within was awakened,
The Good had slept – dormant for years.
Focused on what’d been taken.
Freedom from the youthful days; childish replays.

And I suppose, even my foes,
Were growing weary of this prose.

Sappy pity it were that my choices had
Led to where I was,
And have led to where I am.

Yet, something changed that day…

That green eyes met blue.
Golden locks of hair – oh the way I look at you.

Prettiest heart I’d ever seen,
And I didn’t even know it all,
Until the Fall.

The past came to haunt me,
Evil’s accomplice, anxiety and shame, began taunting,
Lies of worthlessness and not being of measure,
The trickiest trickster began to hurt her.

Ominous clouds hung over the fairytale,
While mistrust hinted at the kingdom’s fall.

Then before my eyes – Jesus came to life.
Prayer led the way,
Forgiveness saved the day and made her braver,
Brothers cut off the chains and let to Freedom.
God restored our kingdom.

The prodigal son returned,
The Father reinstating his name to Prince;
He then pursued the princess and made her Queen.

And now I’ve seen the unseen,
I’ve held the Queen at night,
Eyes blurred with fright,
Felt the trembling in her bones.

At first I tried to fix it,
But learned I had to quit it.
Because all that she needed,
Was me, and I was there.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Ever.
Our hearts are tethered.

Because I’ve decided.
And I did,
A man, not a kid.

Decided that you’re worth it.
Worth whatever it takes, whatever’s at stake.
Death to pride and death to shame,
Jesus gave me a new name,
Ignite the Flame.

Humility, the fuel we need.
Quality time, the faithful steed.

And thinking back to ‘glory days’,
What a phrase,
Just a phase.

I’d rather sing Christmas carols in May,
Keep your heart laughing,
Help you with the shopping,
Hold you until you know it’s fine,
Trust’s sleep, so divine.

And so there I laid, thinking of you,
The one that changed it all,
Endured the Fall and prayed through Winter,
Walked with me into Spring,
Now we can hear Summer sing.

Babe, it would seem,
I’m already living the dream.

With Love,
A Poem For My Love.

wedding-day

Better Together

Perfectly imperfect but I’m worth it.

Struggling a lot with self-respect,

Go to great lengths and to my pride – protect.

Come at me with your suggestions,

Accusations of past aggressions.

The broken parts of me – obsessed with.

Amazing how my mind is messed with.

 

You’d think their words would roll right off of me,

But somehow they lay heavy, on top of me.

Can’t breathe. Can’t dream. Can’t win.

Defeated, distraught; now count to ten.

Asleep like a sedative,

These wrestlings, repetitive.

 

Engaged, but enraged.

Not with the Bride but with the Groom.

In my heart I haven’t left enough room.

All about me and not about Him.

Recognizing the need for humility,

Mentors and accountability.

Seeking that stability,

Prayerful over my ability.

 

Hopeful that this frustration,

Continues to lead toward maturation.

 

King of Kings clashing with the Prince of Death,

Spiritual warfare that takes my breath.

Feel my heart pounding inside my chest,

No sleep for the weary and little rest.

 

And yet those green eyes meet my blues,

All she has to say is, “I choose you.”

“I love you and you’re worth it,

Nail it on the cross, you’re not worthless.

Handsome and strong,

You write your own song.

Passionate melodies and fierce beats,

Not another man for me on the streets.

You’re mine. I’m yours. And we’re His.”

 

I’m grateful for all of this,

Answering that call of His.

 

She melts my gruffness,

Increases my toughness.

 

Propels me and compels me,

To face my fears and never flee.

And chase the fear of failure back to Hell,

Cling close to God and each other and we’ll do well.

 

So yes – I’m scared and yes, I’m beat.

But with her by my side, we will defeat.

 

Overcome and prayerfully conquer,

Anything that’s kept us at arms-length from the altar.

Two separate hearts, but better together,

Our love, a true treasure.

 

Indebted to the debtor,

But not in debt.

Rich in love and beauty,

I’ve wept;

So many joyful tears,

Over this last year.

 

This girl is too good for me,

But she’s not.

She’s just what I need,

Amazingly crafted and attractive.

 

God’s gift from Himself to each other,

I love her.

better-together

Ascending Stairway

An ascending stairway to somewhere beautiful,
Clouds that tell tales of storms being plentiful.
Onward comes the dark, lonely night.
Yet the sun simmers down, but will again bring light.
Today may hold sorrows two-fold.
But who knows what tomorrow could hold?
So we climb, we heave, we lift our feet;
One step at a time and then repeat.
For the promise of what tomorrow holds;
And a trust that it’s tale needs to be told.
Don’t fail to take the steps that lead,
To glory’s view and Heaven’s deed.
So let the storms come and do as they wish;
Because light will come again in a pinch.
Hearts will be healed, redeemed, and made brave.
And eyes doth gone astray can be set back to remember that day.
The day that glory met night,
And darkness fell to Light.
So here I am trusting, dreaming.
But it all starts with truly believing.

stairway

Fire And Ice

You were hot, then you were cold.
Weren’t sure you remembered bold.
Something had taken a hold,
Of your life and sold,
Your joy to the thief of old.

Clock out, then clock in.
Pay bills then spending,
More time worrying than enjoying.

Anxious escapades,
Trying to find the shades.

Places to hide behind,
Fancy frames and stylish.
Fuel your grind,
And smile’ish.

Nothing felt real,
Not even “real.”

Spiritual facades or authentic prayers?
When they laid their hands on you,
Was it tried and true?
Or was it a man-made cure for the blues?

So where is this power the church speaks of?
Where are these angels watching above?
And when it comes to push-and-shove,
Will you catch any blessings in your glove?

Life is harder than it is easy,
Those inspirational quotes pure cheesy.
Promises of things to come, just a tease.
Nothing seems to set your heart at ease.

So you wonder through the desert for 40 years,
Fill your eyes with many tears.
Occasionally stop to hear the cheers,
Of the opponent’s love of your many fears.

Shame has made its home here,
“Freedom” makes your heart sneer.
If you were free, things would be clear.
Wouldn’t fight the ice you see in the mirror.

Asking God to send fire from heaven,
To melt your calloused bruises,
Provide answers for your excuses,
To wipe away the memories,
Of things that happened and shouldn’t be.

If God is love, then couldn’t He;
Come down now and rescue me?

And this is the cry of many hearts,
Debating worthless politics,
While evading what makes the soul tick.

All this hunger and all these dreams,
All this thirst for bountiful streams,
All this prayer for all these things,
All this comfort for all these stings.

So Lord, I placed myself in open;
Admit that I’m one of the you’s that’s coping;
Struggling as an adult to fully believe,
That you really want what’s best for me.

So Father God come and make yourself seen,
Clear our eyes and answer our screams.
Fulfill your promises and walk in my dreams,
Sew my heart back together at its torn seams.

Ice cold, but ready to be hot.
Flame once and ice I’m not.
So heavenly fire come and melt the ice,
I know that Jesus’ already paid the price.

It won’t be easy and it won’t be nice,
But I’m ready to win life’s game of Fire And Ice.

fire and ice

When Green Eyes Meet Blue

 

There I was stuck in the trenches,
Prematurely pulling out my stitches,
That bloody kind of messiness;
I’m broken now, sure of this.
I hid my face from the One that could save me.
Save another; don’t even bother.
A failure even to my father.
But were these statements true?
Of course not. (My father loves me.)
Paralyzed again by anxiety,
Faking my own piety.
Snuggled on the couch with my love,
Quietly searching my own soul while she looked onward,
What a sight it must have been.
Watching your man wrestle within.
Green eyes that searched for light,
Finding only grey and darkness tonight.
Beauty saw me for what I could be,
Never ceasing to love fearlessly.
Cloudy numbness gave way to tears,
Realizing love like this will weather my fears.
Projecting my perfect expectations onto others, onto me.
You’d wear yourself out to spend a night in my dreams.
Fiercely working,
Forever searching.
Running, but not a runner.
Fearful, but always cheerful.
Brewing, but not a brewery.
Wondering why God’s decided to choose me.
Prolonging His call and staying out of sight,
Hard to ignore, even in the night.
A dead heart still burning bright.
And there Love’s love still loved me.
She held my hand and prayed for me.
Asked God to set my heart free.
I’ve met Beauty, and her name’s Allie.
So green eyes met blue,
A weary heart, yet true.
Eagerly awaiting what God’s about to do.
Baby, I love you.

Let’s Get It – Season 2

This anxiety in my chest,

Just trying to catch my breath.

Why am I such a mess?

Wanna get my life in check,

But there I was bouncing checks.

Figured that one out but have other problems,

Might take a couple seminars to solve them.

Am I a puzzle that needs put together?

Or should I be tanned like leather?

And there I was running,

Tripping and stumbling,

Feet pound the pavement,

While fists punch the air;

I gotta get out of there.

So I listen to music,

Think that’ll do it.

Run faster, run harder.

Last longer, get stronger.

Trying to channel the artist’s energy

Into me.

So I listen to that anthem-rap;

DJ Khaled, Thi’sl and other trap.

Problem is, I was born to create;

Their music’s great and sure I relate;

But none of it demonstrates

What’s on my dinner-plate.

So here I am writing,

Breathing, conniving;

Sitting here crying.

Wrestling with identity,

Wish I had a friend in me,

But view myself a frenemy.

One step forward,

Then sprinting back.

Can’t stay on track,

What do I lack?

Beauty’s mine,

Her love’s divine;

Patient and shimmering;

Her eyes are glimmering.

Family loves me deep,

So why can’t I sleep?

I’ve seen myself come alive;

I know what it’s like;

But I’ve yet to arrive;

Barely put in drive.

Yet here I am;

I’m standing.

Stare-down with the man in the mirror,

Calling him out to face his fear,

Praying for a whisper in his ear;

Missing the prophetic gift;

Heart’s been adrift.

Can’t stand the reflection,

My vanity, a misdirection.

So Jesus come back,

Don’t turn my soul black.

Heal my broken back,

Stitch my heart in-tact.

Keep me on these tracks.

Help my unbelief,

Because I believe in you.

But I don’t believe in myself,

Yet you’re in me and I’m in you.

Holy Spirit’s available for everything I do.

And help me with these emotions,

Turbulent like the oceans;

Dark waters and still deeps;

Crashing waves and breaking seas;

Some days it’s crushing me.

Give me the strength to face it;

Give me the perseverance to chase it;

Let’s Get It – Season 2.

We’ve got some believing to do.

stormy_seas_by_bkhook-d60s7o9

 

 

I’m Justin, Here I Stand

Heart’s in a panic;

Beating quickly;

Thump, thump; they’re voting Trump.

Don’t get political;

Turns hypocritical.

Temper your opinions;

You are just a minion.

 

No confidence,

Lack competence.
And these are the lies,

That catch me by surprise.

 

Because really, if you knew me.

You’d see the mirage right through me.

 

Bravery and intellect,

Inquisitive, that is correct.

I’m smart and unapologetic;

Communicate without the rhetoric.

 

More passionate than Romeo;

Come to me and your troubles go;

A counselor to and fro;

Not afraid to go deep;

It’s in the shallow-end, I’d likely sink.

 

So what causes me to come and drink?

These lies from the bitter sink.

 

A broken mirror I see into,

Wondering what to do.

How to become the better me,

Because me isn’t enough,

But he’d be – he’d be tough.

 

Through and through, a winner.

Respectable, with accolades,

A house with lots of shade,

Married and pretty great;

Crises averted and problems dissolved,

Justin – Evolved.

 

But I am what I am,

Sam I am.

 

An overcomer,

Not a bummer.

 

Strong and relational,

Rarely confrontational.

 

Come to think of it,

I like who I am.

I’ll write my name in this sand;

I’m Justin, here I stand.