I’m not sure what it will take,
To pay for that mistake.
The one I made decades ago,
That swung my heart to and fro.
Merry-go-round of emotions since,
The kind of pain that makes you wince.
It promised much and provided little,
Satan asked if he should play his fiddle.
Mocking the death of my feelings,
Taunting me with memories when,
I made active choices to sin.
“But do you remember when…”
“If your wife knew that, then…”
“Your love is fake, your story is a lie.”
Round and round, despair takes my breath.
This must be what it feels like – death.
All of this because I wanted to see,
That which wasn’t meant for me.
Images on a screen, women that weren’t mine.
Innocence taken before its time.
Side effects that can still be felt,
Worse than a bruise, worse than a welt.
Scar tissue that runs so deep,
It’ll hit me like a train and cause me to weep.
And there’s the enemy, back with his fiddle,
Ready to challenge me with another riddle.
“If you loved Jesus, then how could you?…”
“If you were Christian, then wouldn’t you?…”
“How will you pay for all of this?”
It’s true – I’m indebted.
Credit-line with God maxed out to the brim,
And it’s not just my heart that carries the pain,
Marriage causes Beauty to carry my shame.
The burdens too heavy to carry on my own,
Pick up the phone and call one another,
Thank the Lord Jesus for my brothers.
And if I could give you one piece of advice,
It’d be that the forbidden-fruit isn’t worth it.
It’s amazing how crafty and contorted,
Our versions of “truth” can become.
“It’s not that bad to look,”
“I’m just reading a book.”
“But it’s a good movie,”
“And it’s a great show.”
“We’re just talking.”
“It’s not really stalking.”
Oh I fear for the day the Judge returns,
Takes out the gavel as his heart burns,
With just anger and proclaims,
“Away from me, for you never knew me.”
Don’t stay there, my friend.
Walk into the light, and own up to when,
You made some choices that aligned you with sin.
Talk to someone, talk to me,
Ask them how you, too, can be free.
It’s not a joke, it’s not a comedy.
Interfile men because they’re wasting their seed,
Women’s hearts crushed, pleading with God that their men would be freed.
Family’s ripped apart because of sleazy affairs,
Men so emasculated that they have the courage of a young boy,
Because shame has tied a noose around their neck and stolen their joy.
That doesn’t have to be your story – it’s not mine anymore.
Christ, let us out of our heart’s prison,
Pay for our debts, for you’ve already risen.
Raise us up and fill our cup,
Renew our joy and our gifts,
Speak into my heart and give me your voice,
The courage to tell men they have a choice.
The strength to stand when others won’t,
And I suppose I’ll end on this note…
I can’t wait to see,
That which he’s meant for me.
The dreams and visions and ministry,
A fisher of men in a raging sea.