My wife cleaned up her 5th Grade classroom for the last time on Wednesday. We checked her out of the school and brought a few of her teachery things home. But for the most part, we donated them to other teachers or discarded them in the trash. I could sense the mix of emotions in her heart – relief that such a burdensome and taxing year was over and sadness that uncertainty and loss of work-friends lay ahead as time apart separated them gradually (the reality of adulthood friendships).
I looked on, fighting a cold that’s sort of lingered over me all week long and refused to leave just yet. While helping carry boxes to the car and driving us to the store to run a couple more errands before the day came to an end, I found myself leaning into prayer. “Lord, help her – help us. It feels like we’re just here sometimes and perhaps that’s just it and we need to be okay with that. Please help our hearts to be content and place a new vision on hearts and minds, new dreams for the future that lays ahead. Renew our joy in the ordinary and the every day. Be a light unto our feet and a guide on our directionless path.”
I think in life we expect everything to be mapped out, by fate or by God, and it just doesn’t seem to work that way. It’s more like a good book. The author has brought the story to a certain point and now there’s a cliffhanger of uncertainty. It’s a scary moment and you’re not sure what’s going to happen and it’s going to take effort – you’ll have to continue reading and investing time into it, but there is more to the story. It is time to turn the page.
And I believe that’s where our hearts have sat this week – at the end of this chapter and ready to turn the page to the next. For Allie, that may mean investing in her event-planning desires. For me, it may mean taking more time to retreat by myself with good books and invest in small windows of opportunity to write, if even just for myself to increasingly become better at succinctly expressing my heart. Collectively, it would mean business planning or dreaming up a ministry plant of some kind.
Regardless of the outcome, I’m not scared anymore. There’s no point in being restless and laying awake at night, anxious about the day you’ve already given your all to.
Here’s to turning the page.