Let’s start from the beginning. My best-friend and I have been married for a little over a week now. Today is our 10th day of a covenant relationship that has blessed us and our communities deeply already.
To those of you that came as far as Western Kansas, Nebraska, backwoods Arkansas, and even Florida to spend a few hours on Saturday with us, we want to Thank You. Having all of you there as witnesses to our commitment to one another really blessed the hearts of both of us. It was your presence, personality, and depth with which you invested in your interactions with us that had my bride and I reflecting on how the wedding had “been a dream.” That my bride’s “dream-wedding” occurred and managed to stay mostly within budget leaves me forever thankful to her gracious parents generous investments, my parents support, and everyone that came. (But enough thank you note material, those will be written in due time.)
Allow me to reflect on the day and summon some of those deeper emotions real quick. If that’s not your thing, then feel free to pass on this blog and the next few to come. It’ll be mostly reflection, emotional processing, and a sort of self-awareness tool for me. But if you dig transparency, authenticity, and like to learn from other’s lives, then keep an eye on me over the next few months. I forecast some serious growth.
It’s 5:30PM and my nerves have hit an all-time high. I run to the restroom to take a nervous poop (hey – you’ve been there too) and then make my way downstairs toward the front. As I do, of course I run into people I know. “Ya nervous? How ya feeling?” I barely acknowledge them as I’m 100% inside my own mind at this point and I break free from the crowd and hide myself in a closet next to the stage that controls all the lights. Bryce’s wife had brought McDonald’s Frappe’s for us and I sipped on the sugary, frozen coffee to ensure I had enough blood-sugar to not faint on stage. About as soon as I calmed myself and steeled my nerves, the pastor walks in and prays over me. Then Joseph (my best man) and I take the stage with the pastor. I stand toward the front and look forward. All is silent. The music starts playing and the bridal party starts proceeding forward.
6:05PM – My bride makes her way down the grand staircase. The audience rises. My heart jumps into my throat like an Olympic high-jumper. My heart starts beating fast with adrenaline as everything finally feels real. (Leading up to this moment, I kept speaking of how surreal everything felt. As if it were too good to be true. But now. Now, it was true. It was real. It was happening. There she was. And she was beautiful!)
6:07PM – My bride is toward the front and I meet her father down at the bottom, along with our marrying pastor. The pastor starts saying some things but I’m barely paying attention. I’ve locked eyes with Allie as if we’re seeing each other for the first time. A few tears that refuse to be contained make their way into my eyes and threaten to stream down my cheeks but then I’m back in the spotlight as Robert (Bob) Robitaille, her father, places Allie’s hand into mine and I escort her up on stage with me and the pastor.
I’ll be honest – from that point forward, I barely paid attention to Pastor Tom. Great guy. Great message. It was actually one that in hindsight we will have to get the notes to, as he was talking about getting to build a home together and how much hope, faith, and love we could fill it with if we so choose. He spoke of our ministry being one of reconciliation, which is something I feel God has placed on my heart and burdened it with and something that feels as if it just isn’t going to go anywhere so I might as well make a move with it.
What I do instinctively remember is reading my vows to Allie. I printed them off because I’d tried the whole impromptu words during emotional times thing before (with the proposal) and I’d been nearly mute – speechless in the moment. In fact, as my brother Tyler recalls, the words didn’t actually come until I started praying and dancing with her outside after she said, “Yes!” It hadn’t taken my words to win her over, just the simple action of getting on one knee. That’s all she needed to know my heart was ready. Whoops – I got sidetracked! The proposal was awesome. (Go back and read #TheProposal if you haven’t already.) I promised to always love her and to kiss her good morning and good night. I spoke of hope and of never joking, teasing, or threatening divorce. I threw in a joke about how I’d watch all the Christmas movies she wanted and then I told her that we’d tear down the walls in our hearts that keep us from true intimacy. Most importantly, I promised to always take our burdens to the cross. And friends, I have never prayed more in my life than I have in the first 10 days of our marriage. I need Him. She needs Him. We need Him.
Allie teased that it was hard to follow-up a writer and then proceeded to do so in heart-melting fashion. She roasted me a bit about my sorority girl coffee-order (but we all knew that was coming) and then spoke of how she’d always love me, build me up, and care for me. She has, and she will. I don’t doubt that for a minute.
The pastor wrapped things up and let us kiss each other. A shiny new ring on both of our ring-fingers. Hearts full. Eyes filled with joyful tears. We half-walked, half-sprinted, half-danced (I typically leave the math to her as you can tell) down the aisle and back up the stairs.
The rest of the evening proved to be just as powerful. As friend after friend and family member after family member spoke kindly of both of us as individuals and the hope and power they felt resonated in our marriage. Two conversations I remember in particular was one where a slightly older married couple that I’ve always looked up to mentioned they were super proud of us for including not allowing divorce to be an option in our wedding vows and that we promised not to joke about it. They thought that was a major problem in a lot of relationships. It was empowering to hear those words of affirmation and reassured us that it was a good and necessary move in guarding our words. And the last was a friend and former coworker from my teenage years spoke of how she had been in tears when she told her husband about the hope and Christ-like story of grace and redemption that can be found in our relationship. Which was heartwarming, as it confirmed the prophetic nature of my heart’s desire for us to be a message of reconciliation to others.
The day was so good. And this has already gotten long. So I’ll cut this short and title it, “#TheWedding” or something. There’ll be a post titled “10 Days” to follow, where I chronicle all I’ve learned in just 10 days.