“I’m just going to call her your wife – I’m sure your wife is proud of you for all you’re going through right now,” said the leader of my accountability group on the phone. I can’t tell you the positive impact of that statement on my heart. It just kind of sat there on the surface and gradually broke its way through the ice, until I believed it.
My wife. Allie will be my wife. You should see the way she looks at me. It just about brings me to tears almost every time. That woman loves me, so much. She’s always trying to figure me out. Sometimes, that gets to be a little overwhelming and I don’t know how to say, “Hey, let’s just zone out and watch TV – I need a break from you studying me.” But we will both learn how to communicate our mental needs over time and our relationship has continued to become stronger.
I just can’t believe it. It’s all surreal. The day is getting closer and closer and I feel unqualified and underprepared. In 10 Days, all my shirts will be made of Husband Material. “Husband will look good on you,” she and others have said.
I’m encouraged and I sure hope so.
After a solid workout in the gym this morning (not part of my regular routine currently, but I’m glad that I squeezed it in today), I found myself at Pour Coffeehouse studying Ephesians 5. What a powerful chapter of Scripture on the call to be “imitators of God.” My favorite verses are 8-10 – “For you were once darkness but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord.” I love that we have a new identity in Christ and I love the call to live in the light. It was encouraging to my soul and something I needed to hear.
Speaking of encouragement – Mey-Guys are awesome. Often referred to as “The Dream Team” – the collective group of my core friends all came together for my Bachelor Party last weekend and it was such a blessing to spend time with them. My words are not sufficient to express what it means that Dan rode the bus all the way from Dallas (for 12+ hours) and Tyrel and Jaron came from Hillsboro and Hutchinson, etc. They spoke words over me like they believed me in me and that I’m one of the most competent men they know, that I’ll lead well and make an amazing husband, that they were thankful for my friendship. It’s cool when you realize that your friends aren’t going anywhere. The men that were there with me celebrating will likely literally be lifelong friends and I’m so thankful for that. I need them in my life.
And so I sit here in a coffee-shop writing randomly about the things on my mind. I needed to renew my Drivers License but it’s looking like that will have to be taken care of tomorrow. I needed to re-secure Allie’s engagement ring which had been refitted and I did accomplish that. I was supposed to bring WD-40 for the squeaky doors in our townhouse for my brother, but I forgot that. I’ve had customers calling and texting me all morning about random inquiries and I don’t have access to the information to help them. I’m just one man, trying to make it in life and be there for as many people as possible.
But as I’ve sat here, working on communicating things out to my groomsmen about tuxedo rentals and making phone-calls to ensure things are in line, I can’t help but think Jesus is whispering “I’m right here.” So I’m concluding by praying and leaning on him.
“Lord, help the words of my friends come true. Help me be a competent and confident man. Keep me humble and lacking arrogance. Allow me to love my wife as Christ loves the Church. Take all the burdens on my heart – I don’t have the strength to carry them on my own any longer and that’s okay. Teach me to love myself, so that I can more abundantly love others, putting off the insecurity of the old flesh and putting on the strength of Christ. Hold me and keep me, watch over my marriage and protect it, build us up and keep us in good company, and lay your purpose and mission on our hearts so that we’d spend our lives doing something worthwhile. May February 4th be an awesome day of celebrating a beautiful, Christ-like story of grace and redemption and love, but may it not be the peak of what we live for – but simply the beginning. May we explore the mountains of Colorado safely and not live in fear. May you keep us young and playful at heart always. May you assure us of your love and would you help us rest in that?”
And all God’s people said, “Amen.”