Lacking inspiration for whatever reason this morning, I posted on some social-media outlets asking for a topic to write about. The first topic given to me was “Doubt.” So here we go, friends. I’m going to talk with you about The D-Word: Doubt.
Doubt is a Christian cuss-word. Let’s face it. And because it’s a “cuss-word” we do everything we have to do to distance ourselves form its reality. I’m not really doubting, I’m “discovering myself.” I’m not isolated, I just “need some room to breathe.” You get the idea. It’s easier to “take a break” from community than it is to press in and power through the numbness of mixed emotions.
I’ve seen doubt rear its head in my life numerous times. It doesn’t always have to do with faith, although thats where it originates. When we doubt God, we doubt His promises and there is therefore now no nope. Praise Jesus that’s a lie.
I can doubt that I have the ability to overcome – to overcome health and fitness issues, to overcome dependencies, to overcome the character-flaws of being selfish as the oldest of 5 that’s always found a way to get what he wants.
I can doubt that other’s love me. I can doubt that they have my best interest in mind. Once I begin to doubt like this, I begin to doubt my lovability. What if I’m not likable enough? What if they see me, exposed, for what I am, and I’m not enough? What if I don’t measure up?
And then, I’ll begin to doubt myself. I’m not really as strong as some have told me I am. I’m not really creative and confident and outgoing. I could never find a way to legitimately better myself. I’m stuck. Incapable. Lacking. (All lies. I’m taking you inside my mind – trying to relate- flush out the toxins of doubt and present them to you for what they are. They’re poisons straight from the underworld, designed to stop us in our trucks – to make us ineffective witnesses – to bring Black Death to our souls.)
Where The D-Word starts to take place is in our hearts. At some point, someone wounded us. They saw us for what we were and decided that we were not enough. A parent decided that we disappointed them. A friend chose to seek their flesh’s desire and put a woman before us. A woman decided we weren’t wild enough at heart. And we forgot that Jesus died on the Cross for us, because He wanted to save us. Coming not to condemn the world, but to save it. We forgot that He found us worthy and lovely, DESPITE. Despite our ugly sinfulness and predisposition to chase desire without considering consequence.
The reality is we’ve all struggled with doubt and we’re all going to. You are not alone, dear friend. You are not unworthy. You are strong, valiant, a fighter – you are still alive. There is still hope. You can still persevere. If you are not engaged, you can re-engage. If you are not winning, you can. Just means you’ll have to train.
But it’s not about training harder or being better. It’s about trusting. It’s about being. It’s about recognizing who you are – what you lack and what you have – taking a deep breath, going to God and saying, “Without you, I have nothing. Please fill in my gaps. Please give me the strength to overcome today. Please teach me to love her. Show me how to put the collective before the individual. Rid me of darkness and fill me with Light. Teach me to trust you tonight.”
Right There With You,