I’m not sure when it happened
But it did.

Lifeless now – still.
Breathing, but paralyzed.
Simply don’t have the will,
Wondering what’s advised.

Should I dive into the depths?
Take up refuge where I’ve wept?
Violent, shaking, sobs of depletion;
Nothing helps the screeching,
Sound of the brokenness –
Swallowed by the hopelessness.

Foundational collapse,
Praying – hands clasped.
Asking for strength,
But not at length,
Not really believing…

Why would He listen?
I bet He’s seething.
My warped mind and vision,
Like a child teething,
I’m not on mission, but the mission.

I must be rescued.

“Silence him,” darkness said.

“Silence the boldness,
Break down wholeness,
And ruin his holiness.”

The vulture of culture,
Has eroded and corroded,
The health and wealth,
Turned to sickness, and get this,

I did it to myself.

I left Him.
I ran from Home,
And now I’m alone.

No reasoning behind it, but I wandered.
In search of searching,
Seeking to discover,
The affections of another.

Yet Light beckons,
Me out of this ship-wreckage.

I’ve received the message,
But have yet to bless it.

Interesting how perception,
Had the interception – mind inception.
A dream within a dream,
Or a nightmare within a nightmare it seems.

I deem myself to be unclean,
But the Cleaner calls me Home.
Offering me clean linens,
Even while I was still sinning.

Pull the curtains,
And I’ll sleep a while longer.

Let me ponder life’s yonder days;
Don’t be dismayed.
I’m on the fray of recovery,
Don’t hover over me.

I’ve hungered for this honesty,
The honest me.

Better to admit your doubt,
Than to fake it out.
Better to share your hurt and uncertainty,
Than to fein joy and assurance – see?

So how am I paralyzed?
Fearful that if I let myself love,
I’ll fall into the chasm of it all.
That I’ll let another down,
And in misery, we’ll drown.
Anxious that my weakness overshadows His strengths.
That I’ll fail again.
That He won’t lead to victory.

But tired of misery,
I’m breaking free.

The enemy will meet an indignant me to stagnancy.

A bruised and battered heart still beats,
And my feet walk the streets.

Never underestimate the influence of connection,
And I’m connected,
To the Connector.

Reconnect the wires,
Set this heart on fire,
Passion filled blaze,
Sure to amaze.

Welcome back the Flame.


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