Gentle Men: The New Macho

One of my goals this year is going to be writing more, so I hope you are okay with that, dear reader, and ready to embark on this faith-journey alongside me.

Earlier this week, I was outraged at the behavior of certain men I came across in the real-world. For the sake of confidentiality and to not give too much away, I will stick to generic details to provide you with the backdrop for my fury. These guys were blatantly, disrespectfully, coming onto – making sexual-innuendos, cat-calling, and making unnecessarily provocative “compliments” to a new friend of mine, and it drove me up a wall mad. The girl felt helpless, hurt, and overpowered, and I’ve not often been more tempted to intervene with physical force (if you catch my drift), but I kept my cool, played big brother, and dismissed the “gentlemen”.

Gentlemen, please be gentle men.
I have two very beautiful sisters. It pains me a great deal to realize that they could be subject to the same treatment by the “gentlemen” in their lives, or to realize that the women I’ve overtly “flirted with” in the past were the sisters and daughters of others. A woman is not just something for you to “have” – she is not a possession, but a person with a heartbeat, soul, and real feelings.
A few days ago I was reminded of this the hard way, when I made some comments to my baby-sister, Brianna, that were not well thought over, and she quickly went into hysteria. Now, of course, she is an 11-year-old, and has some anger-issues, but I did not consider my language and just how powerful it is. I’m her big brother – someone that has been away at college or at work the majority of her childhood, but the little time I do have with her, I should always, always be gentle with her – speaking encouragement into her life and never exerting my strength to make her feel small or powerless.
And that’s what these guys were doing to my friend. That’s what a lot of you (men) do everyday in the way you look down upon your friends, sisters in Christ and whomever else when you consider them to be “slutty”, or at the very least you view them that way. “If they don’t respect themselves, then why should I respect them?” is the justification that many men seem to have programmed into their heads, and I hate it. That’s the wrong answer. You’re wrong if you think that.
Gentle men are sexy men.
Yep, Justin just said the word, “sexy” – that just happened.
They are. Gentle men are sexy men. Guys, you will be so much desirable as a husband, boyfriend, friend, brother, or son, the gentler you are. Your strength should be used to protect, build-up, and cherish, not to get what you want, or overpower the wishes of a woman, or anyone for that matter.
Β Image
Macho-Men are not the ones that can bench-press 300 lbs. Don’t get me wrong – I wish I could bench-press 300 lbs. But the new macho is a gentle man. If you’re not gentle, then you’re not part of the fraternity of gentlemen – you’re just a boy that needs to grow up. You may have facial hair and larger-than-average biceps, but you’re less desirable than Average Joe, when he encourages, protects, and cherishes.
Lecture over. Class dismissed. Please be gentle, men.

5 thoughts on “Gentle Men: The New Macho

  1. That was good stuff!! The men that i respect the most are the ones that respect and treat women like ladies! Thanks for that! πŸ™‚

  2. No surprise I dig this, but I do definitely. One thing to clarify, at least that I’ve had to be careful of in my own thinking, is not to “play the gentleman” to be “the new sexy”. To really embody that I think you have to lay down your desire to win the woman – certainly as the reason for being a gentleman. And so I love that you talked about your sisters. That’s something I try and be conscious of – how I treat my mother and sister. So critical – because we should be their greatest advocates and defenders – not just when they’re in trouble – but always.

    And I think – as Eric Ludy put it, “we need to become students of femininity, not so we can conquer, but so we can protect.”

    And at the same time, I’d argue we need to be careful not to adopt the “women are helpless” or somehow “inferior”… “the weaker sex” mentality. In discussing these ideas with my sister and mother, that’s one thing that drives them nuts about some real well meaning gents who hold too tightly to “traditional family values” of the 40s and 50s. I definitely don’t think that’s you, but it is a thought pattern that lives in the south, and probably the bible belt quite a lot too. I usually am in the opposite camp…thinking a lot of times women are smarter and thinking “why the heck would a woman that awesome care to hang out with a guy like me?” But that’s Seattle culture for ya. πŸ˜›

    I also approve of you getting out of your comfort zone and writing words like “sexy”. Haha. It’s good for you. Someday you might even speak the word in an actual conversation. O_o

    Anyway, long rambly thoughts over. Keep writing.

    1. Absolutely man! That was not my intention – to use the sexiness of gentleness as a form of manipulation. Thanks for the clarification though! Women are definitely not weak, and I do not want to paint them as such. I’m just wanting to call out the hearts of men and urge them to grow as leaders and servants, especially when it comes to the women in our lives. For the sake of the Kingdom, and for the sake of whole, stable families and relationships.

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