I believe that if The Church were to adopt a deeper level of transparency and a willingness to deal with “the ugly”, there would be healing for many. The issue lies wherein we would prefer not to be the first “foolish” one to lay our reputation on the line–that is why we admire those that “don’t care”. The problem is–everyone cares…they’re just too hurt by failed attempts at love to put their heart out there any longer. Jesus doesn’t seem to let that stop Him from chasing after us, anyways. Love DESPITE [insert whatever into blank] seems to be His way of doing things. I guess that’s what real love, real redemption, and real mercy looks like. We are still far from His example, but I’d sure like to figure out how to follow in His steps.
Vulnerability and authenticity are very attractive traits to me. They incorporate a certain level of selflessness that is not often found, but can lead to great relationships. The people that are able to say straightforward things to me like, “This week really sucked,” or, “To be honest, I’ve overcome my addiction to pornography by the grace of God,” are the men and women that I appreciate most. Of them, it can truly be said that they consider everything else a loss (even their reputation and “oh-so-righteous” character), except for Christ, Himself.
We need Jesus. So bad.
I need Jesus, really bad.
Allow me to “put my money where my mouth is”, so to speak. The past few months have been really hard on the inside. Sure, I smile a lot, and laugh, and I’m joyful; I truly am. God seems to think that everyone needs a little more laughter in their lives, so He created me! (Haha…I really chuckled there…I laugh a lot…) But deep down, it hasn’t been all fluffy rainbows and dreams come true. I’m still discovering exactly who it is that God has made me to be and attempting to figure out “my calling” in this thing called life. All the while, I’ve moved back to Kansas City, into my parent’s house, and away from the very deep community that was Rev79, Ichthus, and the K-State campus, in general.
A man like myself, with high relational capacity, is not meant to be alone. He can’t live out the Great Commission, nor even attempt to live righteously, by himself. It’s nearly impossible. Anyways…you get the idea. It’s been lonely, caused a great deal of anxiety, and led to bouts of depression.
Fear of inadequacy, envy, and bitterness are like a poison running through my veins that can lead to doubts about the faithfulness of God.
Remember as I write this that I am a CHRISTIAN author, that my salvation is in Him, and that I STILL STRUGGLE. You are NOT alone, weary sinner.
You mix in the seemingly eternal battle with lust that many men (and women, so I hear) face and decide whether or not God is truly King of their eyes, heart, and bodies, and you have one extremely frustrated man, that wrestles with God, a lot. I struggle to sleep at night sometimes when I know I have sinned against Him and I fear His wrath. I fight with Him in prayer to allow me the courage to pursue a woman–and the right woman to pursue–for marriage. He seems to be more interested in building my character, increasing my patience, and strengthening my heart, though…so the struggle continues.
Well, friends, that’s probably more than you wanted to read or know, but if I am to prescribe transparency and willingness to become vulnerable as a means to meeting the healing power of Christ and His Spirit, then I should certainly lead by example. Obviously, I am no greater than those of you reading this and potentially commenting. Share your thoughts, advice, and allow me to be an encouragement to you where I can.